I haven't been keeping up with my blog lately.
Not even the "It's Monday What Are You Reading?"s, even though I've been reading. No musings about the profession. I've been bogged down in so many ways, and my To Do List is a mile long, but it's getting shorter, and I'll get better. Education is ALL about having plans, but being FLEXIBLE. If you are ever considering a career an education, but can't be flexible, this isn't the job for you. I'm definitely a Planner, but what I love about working with kids the most are those moments when their curiosity takes you on a "Teachable Moment" or tangent, and their curiosity drives the lesson. I love Logistics. I try to account for contingencies, and I'm the kind of person who volunteers to help with schedules, because to me, it's just one big logic problem. One of my first few years in this district, several teachers were taking issue with the new master schedule, so our principal challenged the staff, "If you can figure out a way for X,Y, and Z to happen, go for it!" So I did. I presented her with three possible master schedules, and she actually chose one! Where I struggle is when I see a problem I either can't wrap my head around or don't have the confidence or authority to fix. Sometimes I'm not good at realizing my logistical brain has scouted possible outcomes up ahead, and realizing that's why others don't see the same pitfalls I foresee. In the spring, I wanted to be in "The Room Where It Happens" [shout-out to Hamilton], like some of the district planning committees, but as the summer went on, and observed everything else going on in the world, I felt myself recoiling from wanting to be a decision-maker in general. I just wanted to be safe and hunker down with my family. I think even more taxing than my Beginning-of-the-Year Work Load has been my Mental Load. When our district reopening plan was announced, I was surprised. Going by our superintendent's letter to TEA and the Governor in mid-July, I was expecting our district to go the full eight weeks of virtual learning that the state was allowing. Then I thought the Board of Trustees was going to vote on it, and two meetings later, it was clear that they were going to allow the plan to proceed without a vote. So I forced myself through the stage of SURPRISE, and realized I had to quickly shift into ACCEPTANCE and back into that Logistical Mode. Part of that shifted into EXCITEMENT for all the things I wanted to do to make the library my own. Nothing overly dramatic, because we've had a very successful library program, but there are things I want to try. Whenever I'm pondering something, my very experienced and knowledgeable assistant Betsy keeps reminding me that yes, I can do it, because yes, I AM THE LIBRARIAN NOW! (Part of me still doesn't believe it. I made a donation the other day, and when I had to type my occupation, for the first time instead of "teacher" or "educator", I put "librarian." So I guess it's real. ) If I'm being honest, the other part is I've had anxiety about reopening. I'm not going to lie. I've been relieved that the local numbers have been trending downwards, and I want it to stay that way. But the fact that going back to work with school children means that I can't visit my mom and other family members indefinitely has been heartbreaking. Even if I'm being safe and am asymptomatic, I don't want to be the carrier who's responsible for infecting them, since each of my relatives' households has various concerns deserving the utmost caution. It's a dilemma every family is facing. I'm SO fortunate I have a job, a husband who's working from home indefinitely, and choices. I'm very blessed, but it's also very isolating, since I haven't seen my side of the family since February and probably won't until maybe the end of the Winter Break. MAYBE. After two days of having students in school, I've come to a few conclusions/realizations:
I was sitting here, trying to think about writing a conclusion, despite this meandering kind of post. The thing is, I can't write a conclusion. This is all open-ended. Yesterday I was listening to an NPR piece about how rabbis have been researching what their predecessors were saying at Rosh Hashanah sermons a century ago, during the 1918 flu pandemic. History repeating itself. Sentiments are the same. Somehow humanity endured enough for us to be here today. John Lennon sang, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." --"Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)" I've got to keep reminding myself of that, too.
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